Inceldom FAQ

From IncelWiki.com, the largest incel encyclopedia

This page outlines questions that are common regarding inceldom.

Are all involuntary celibates male?[edit]

The term incel is an abbreviation of “involuntary celibate”, a life condition with an academic sociological foundation. “The Incels” are not a subculture with implicit or explicit requirements for membership, any more than people with dyslexia or ages 36-47 constitute subcultures. The incelosphere, is mostly, but not entirely, male-dominated. Under the definitions used by this wiki, most incels do not interact with or participate in the incelosphere.

Under the broad definition of incel: “celibate against choice”, incel women usually have medical conditions such as vaginismus, are in sexless relationships, are mentalcels or, are standardcels. When women are standardcels, the standards that keep women from engaging in sexual relationships tend to be much more broad, and preclude a much larger portion of suitors than the standards that men have. Many people in the online incelosphere thus don’t think this is a qualitatively similar life cricumstance. They also tend to believe that medical or mental conditions that cause female involuntary celibacy are mostly edge cases that distract from what is primarily a male problem.

Under the narrow definition of incel: “celibate against will”... there are virtually no female incels, but many male incels.

Are all incels misogynists, and are these people dangerous?[edit]

As is repeated often, in its noun form, an “incel” includes everyone who wants to have a sexual relationship but can’t for at least 6 months. Male, heterosexual incels may or may not hate women, just as they may or may not be feminists. Some incels are almost certainly dangerous, because as defined in this wiki, there are likely millions of male incels in the world, some of whom will turn out to be murderous psychopaths. Of course, most turn out not to be. In fact, contrary to popular belief, sexually unsuccessful men tend to be less likely to engage in violent behavior, towards either gender. This tendency includes sexual assault, sexual harassment, and in particular rape, the latter of which is almost exclusively committed by men who already have above-average amounts of consensual sex. Additionally, the vast majority of mass shootings are domestic violence cases, not the ever-publicized frustrated, single young male ones. The cultural stereotype of most mass murderers/rapists as disgruntled, unattractive men that become so lustful they resort to coercion is a very inaccurate and dangerous one for women to believe in.

The lack of an opportunity to enter into a personal relationship with a woman can be frustrating for many men.

This being the case, there are a number of echo chambers on the internet where frustration can build up in a threatening way, such as a suspension bridge that, stimulated by the wind, continues to build up in its resonance frequency, leading to its complete destruction. In addition there are destructive thought constructs such as the “black pill”, which can lead people to an extremely pessimistic and fatalistic attitude to life. Regardless of the black pill’s degree of inaccuracy, this is incontestably psychologically extremely unhealthy for the people that genuinely accept it. This Wiki therefore expressly does not support such concepts as the “Black Pill” and also advocates the closure of self-destructive internet platforms.

Are incels a group, ideology, subculture, organization, community, or movement?[edit]

No. Incel is an abbreviation of involuntarily celibate, which is self-descriptive. Up to 28% of American young men are incels according to the Washington Post.[1] “Incels” are not a single community any more than, for example, gay people are a single community. While incels may tend to support certain political positions, just as when homeowners or gay people tend to support certain political positions, this does not make incels subscribers to an ideology or members of an overarching, "Incel Organization".

In the case of self-identified incels or incel forums, most are extremely disconnected and do not share radical beliefs unless you want to call determinism a radical ideology. Individual philosophies like the original blackpill definition or subcultures like 4chan culture emerge on some, but not all, forums dedicated to involuntary celibates and go in and out of fashion.

Are you trying to rebrand 'incel', why keep using the word 'incel'?[edit]

There is an insinuation in some spaces that our wiki is trying to rebrand the word 'incel'. This comes from an innocent, but false assumption that the word was hijacked. The sociopathy in the incel space is almost completely confined to the blackpill section of incels and they do not own the term, 'incel', nor did they even come up with the term.

The reason we don't see our wiki as 'rebranding' is because the first 5-6 forums were dual-gender, extremely well-behaved, and not even blackpill. (They were even all feminist) No one really had any issues with these forums. The media narrative is that these forums were "hijacked" by masculinists. What actually happened was that Facebook became popular, the last well-behaved incel forum had a server crash, and well-behaved incel forums just moved to Facebook. There was no "hijacking of a pure and good incel movement and so now it can never be saved". Even if that did happen, why could it not be saved? The "big incel forums" are actually very obsure and have very low traffic.

But again, we don't think the term was ever "hijacked". Even the radical forums don't gatekeep on the word 'incel' based on sociopathy or hatred, just 'blackpill'. If said radical forums were to take away domain names and Facebook groups in an attempt to monopolize, then yes, we would see the incel space as hijacked. But given that hasn't happened, we see the original form of incel spaces on the internet as well behaved, that they were never hijacked, and that they just moved to Facebook. Therefore we are not 'rebranding'.

The reason we aren't using a different word than 'incel' is because the negativity surrounding the term is largely a media and 'vampire castle' construction. Before the vampire castle and media psycopaths, the only blackpill forum in existence was able to be monitored by Reddit admins and only had a few thousand members. The media has amplified and constructed a fake, artificial version of what 'incel' means, but advertizing and pumping up the members of extremely obscure forums.

We don't see any reason to simply let the media and blackpillers play with low-status people like playthings to do whatever they want with them. The website that uses the term 'incel' the most is Twitter. Go to "latest" on Twitter and you'll find people use the word to be an insult that means "can't get laid", and they do not mean it to be a subculture. So our website currently uses the term in the way it currently is used by most people, we just don't use it as an insult.

But like most people who use the term, we mean it to mean a culture-less circumstance of not being able to get laid. Were we to come up with our own acronym to separate ourselves from media constructions, there is no guarantee said media wouldn't also try to co-opt our term. And by using something that isn't an acronym, such as, "involuntary singles", in a domain name, is too long to type and would not have any readership due to the long name causing poor SEO. And also the media who insult incels don't believe that "involuntary singledom", is real. They would still treat a variation on 'incel' without using an acronym with the same collection of gaslighting prejudices they do today with self-identified involuntary celibates.

We've operated anti-blackpill forums before[2] and during[3] the emergence of incels dot is. The only reason we used their servers (as incels dot wiki admins who did not have direct server access) in 2019 was because we did not have the tech skills at that time to host our own stuff. While we were on their servers, we said that there was a lot of sociopathy on incels dot is and also countersignaled the self-stylized blackpill philosophy on the servers of the people promoting the blackpill. They eventually got so angry at us for actions like this that they banned us entirely from their server. This shows we are not trying to whitewash them, in fact, we are censored by them for criticizing them.

Is the incelosphere mostly white?[edit]

Although involuntary celibates are often stereotyped as such, modern polls and surveys (and general forum usage) suggest otherwise. This poll from braincels shows that whites constitute only 28% of that forums population, with the largest racial demographic being Indian-Americans. The largest poll by the whitest forum: incels.co showed that only 50% of its members were white.[4]

Are involuntary celibates angry or frustrated?[edit]

Involuntary celibates are human and as such feel emotions (negative as well as positive) just like everyone else. Its normal to feel gloomy when lacking a Maslow need.

However, not all incels are sexually frustrated, nor is being sexually frustrated a prerequisite to being an incel or calling oneself an incel. Some asexual incels just think of sex as something they wish they could do or like to do, but aren't dissatisfied they can't have it. A wide variety of other incels wish to have sex, but don't experience a sense of dissatisfaction about their lack of sexual opportunities or history. Other incels don't want to have sex at all, but are pressured into trying to find it, can't find it, and are thus rendered incel.

Dissatisfaction is not a necessary prerequisite for trying to find sex. Someone may try to find sex out of obligation, for laughs, novelty, or recreation.

The subset of incels most likely to feel upset or depressed are probably those with sex addictions. While kinky journalists love to frame all incels as frustrated sex addicts bursting with rage and desire for pussy, this is a silly conception.

Do incels just want sex?[edit]

Under the standard definition, it is true that the only unifying trait of incels is being involuntarily deprived of sex. However, some incels strongly argue the worst aspects of inceldom have more to do with loneliness than something that could be solved by prostitution.

Lacking a sexual outlet does not imply that a sexual outlet is all you want in a romantic partner. Some incels only want a romantic companion, others want marriage, some want offspring, others want validation and others want the social status associated with having a partner. Some want to get a date to parental pressure, or because they want to quell rumors that they’re gay. Others want the financial independence that comes from partnering up with a working spouse, just like many women that get married. Some involuntary celibates seek the tax-breaks and other social benefits that come with marriage in their country.

Incels are often portrayed as the “guys who can’t get laid”, and while that is literally the case, it’s still possible to be a graysexual, demisexual or asexual incel.

Are you incels dot co, incels dot is, incels dot wiki, suicide wiki, sanctionedsuicide etc?[edit]

No, we never at any point owned any of those domains. And the only site of those we were ever involved in was incels dot wiki, which we left years ago when they became pro-blackpill. See our About page for full history as it's relevant.

Why don’t incels visit prostitutes?[edit]

Again, not all incels want sex (see above). For those that do, unless they’re escortcels or pure mentalcels, incels, and in particular truecels, are usually so ugly and physically deformed that even prostitutes reject them.

Frequenting prostitutes or being a sugar daddy/mommy does not count as a sexual, romantic, or even social relationship, but rather a financial relationship, as the relationship remains without sex/romance/sociability, but not without money. Even if it did count as a sexual or romantic relationship, most self-identified incels cannot afford it regularly. In America at least, the cost of sex is prohibitively expensive, and runs up to a $600/hour average in major cities.

Some non-materialist incels go further to say that financial social relationships cannot be fully sexual.

Why don’t you just call yourself “hard up”, why a new word?[edit]

No one used that term much in the past anyway. It’s also not as self-descriptive as “involuntary celibacy”, so there’s no pressing reason for anyone to use a less precise term. Although there’s nothing wrong with that term. It means basically the same thing, and it can be used almost 100% interchangeably with “incel”, except to the extent, “incel”, implies a time period of at least 6 months.

Are involuntary celibates violent?[edit]

In short, no. That is a stereotype nurtured by pigeonholing and broadbrushing media portrayals. Having low testosterone levels is more common in incel demographics compared to noncels. Unassertiveness, being obsequious and high inhibition is also more common in involuntary celibate populations according to Henry Flynt. Furthermore, the stoic and ascetic viewpoints espoused by some purplepilled and blackpill tenets (especially when supplemented with the whitepill) tends to repudiate violent viewpoints in favor of pacifism. The fact that incelosphere forums are known for lots of angry or misogynistic remarks doesn’t make incels as a group violent, because incels that participate in these forums represent an extreme minority that has created an entire identity surrounding their sexlessness.

Is inceldom new?[edit]

The term “inceldom” is an umbrella term and sniglonym of a term originally coined in print by Antoine Banier in 1739. Inceldom has existed throughout human history. The phenomenon even exists in the extended animal kingdom (see animalcel).

What’s the biggest misconception about inceldom?[edit]

The most common misconception is that inceldom constitutes a belief system, label or ideology. Inceldom is simply a social phenomenon akin to homelessness, and a social demographic such as the unemployed.

Are incels mentally ill?[edit]

In general, no. Some of the greatest minds in history lived involuntarily celibate lives. See for example Vincent van Gogh. But mentalcels, for whom their inceldom is primarily caused by social or neurological disorders, also exist. Inceldom can also be end up being a supporting factor in someone’s depression or anxiety, and for some people, a lack of romantic prospects can be so stressful that it leads to self-destructive thoughts or actions.

Inceldom may also cause an incel to become NEET out of disgust with the world. This, in turn, often causes parents to seek unnecessary psychiatric treatment for their incel son or daughter. The further administration of drugs often introduces mental disorders where there were none previously.

Doesn’t using the word incel imply entitlement or a feeling of injustice?[edit]

People often imply incels are unusually entitled, in order to shoehorn “incel“ into a subculture. Such people will imply self-identifying with the word automatically means one thinks inceldom is a bad thing.

The truth is, inceldom is a great thing to some people who use the word in earnest! (including some incels) Inceldom, to some, is a great way to “excise subhuman genes from the gene pool“, specifically the genes of those, who, “should not feel entitled to women“. Something the neo-nazi Richard Spencer, and other feminazis, have insinuated eg. And this is even many self-identified incels look at it, particularly blackpillers (“subhuman male“, “its over“, “just rope“, and other social darwinian phrases). That’s not the way we look at it… but we’re just pointing out that using the word does not necessarily imply a feeling of injustice on the part of the incel, but, for some, rather a feeling of justice and a sort of right-wing acceptance of the situation.

Even assuming using the word as a self-identifier always meant feeling entitled, and not suicidal as a social darwinian… This would not at all be unusual as political entitlements tend to ramp up when things become less scarce. Eg when food becomes less scarce, people feel entitled to it, when affordable antibiotics become less scarce, people try use the government to push doctors into using emotional labour on a broader range of patients (through Medicaid etc). To separate entitled incels as somehow distinct from a broader, utilitarian, distributionist, entitlement trend in society, as we arrive into post-scarcity, would be a mistake.

What is the black pill?[edit]

Incels don’t have a belief system, which is why most of them don’t subscribe to the “black pill.“

The “black pill“ is an Internet philosophy that includes many ideological pieces, myths, and kitchen psychology. This includes the idea that appearance/looks is the only possible element in attracting a mate in 2021. It also sometimes includes assumptions regarding female mating habits, such as the strong belief in “hybristophilia“, women’s sexual attraction to dominant and evil men, and their mating schedules.

However, the blackpill has stronger political undertones than just mere lookism and sexual realism, as well as more than other pills, mainly because its proponents tend to be traditional conservatives who advocate suicide for ugly men, and “enforcing monogamy“ by undoing the “sexual revolution“.

Is inceldom synonymous with the blackpill?[edit]

No. Some don’t believe in the blackpill. Some don’t agree with parts of it. Some don’t subscribe to any “pills”. Some involuntary celibates are purplepilled, others are personalitist oriented; others are redpilled or whitepilled. Some involuntary celibates who have never entered the incelosphere are unaware of “pill” jargon. There are also noncel blackpillers such as Catherine Hakim. However, the blackpill tends to be popular among self-identified mancels.

Is the incelosphere alt-right?[edit]

No. Whites constitute a minority in the English incelosphere: see the race article. The reason for this pigeonholing is that people from the alt-right are among the few public defenders of incels. This is due to many reasons, the most important one being that both the alt-right and some incel forums tend to be pro-natalist, but for different reasons. If there were some other pro-natalist movement today, they would instead probably be the public defenders of incels. Other defenders of incels outside the alt-right also exist. See Angela Nagle, MRAs, and the rest of the people in this list minus Devlin.

Are incels narcissists?[edit]

This stereotype probably comes from Elliot Rodger’s vlogs, who appeared extremely narcissistic. The degree of genuine narcissism shown by Elliot Rodger is rare in non-blackpill incel forums. When incels are narcissistic, it is usually born from a romcel not having an outlet for outright worship of someone, and so it gets directed at the self.

It’s more common that acceptance of one’s own ugliness leads to the exact opposite of narcissism: a marked decrease in behaviours related to vanity.

Polls of incel forums often show extremely high levels of narcissism among the noncel, peanut gallery members, and low amounts of narcissism among many older, virginal incels.

Are incels homophobic or transphobic?[edit]

Incels aren’t a monolith. But there is some anecdotal evidence suggesting that an unspecified proportion of homosexuality is actually caused by inceldom (see homocel hypothesis). Similarly, the trans-vestigiality hypothesis also suggests that a significant proportion of transgenderism is caused by inceldom. Jailhouse gay essentially. Except the jail is (usually female) sexual selective pressures instead of a literal jail.

Are incels misanthropic?[edit]

Prejudice can be found among both incelospherians and offline incels, including eurotophobia (misogyny), phallophobia (misandry) or misanthropy (against everyone). Online platforms designed for venting (like incels.co) are the most likely to have prejudicial tendencies, while those whose primary focus is ascending (like Looksmax.me) or as a support group (like Incelistan) are the least likely to have such tendencies.

Are incels misogynistic?[edit]

No. Some are, but the overwhelming majority is not. Sadly, the smaller group of misogynistic incels have gotten the most media attention. An incel is someone who desired romance, but has no realistic option to getting it. There are tens of millions of adult men in the world who fit that description, and the vast majority of them do not hate women. To the contrary, they would very much like to be with a woman.

Is being single the same as being incel?[edit]

No. Being single can be a choice, while inceldom is always involuntary. And some people are single for a long period of time, but still have dates, romance and sex, just without a committed relationship. An incel is someone who has no serious chance of getting romance and dates easily. So being single can be a consequence of inceldom, but does not mean inceldom as such. In this respect, the terms are not synonymous.

I think I may be involuntarily celibate. What should I do?[edit]

That depends on whether inceldom is affecting your day-to-day life negatively or not. If it isn’t, then great, keep doing what you’re doing.

If it affects you psychologically, then consider trying to boost your self-esteem in some way, or try out stoicism (see whitepill). If it affects you physiologically, such as via sexual frustration, then consider taking antaphrodisiacs (medicinal substance that quells the libido) or anaphrodisiacs (food supplement that quells the libido).

If you are male and don’t live in a country with arranged partnerships you can also try adjusting your behavior more dramatically to meet your sexual desires, through hiring a personal trainer to build muscle, hiring a fashion consultant, taking pro-social photos, taking photos with pets, and/or consulting those who study lookism more broadly. If one does not want to try anymore, one can also advocate for incels politically, go MGTOW, or go NEET and sloth.

References