Personalitism theory posits that attitude and behavior is what primarily determines his or her attractiveness. It tends to downplay the importance of facial and physical appearance in determining whether one is love-shy or involuntarily celibate. Personalitism opposes lookism.
Personalitists cite many examples of physically unattractive men dating attractive women. Though in many cases, these are cherry-picked examples from celebrities. In a general sense the theory personalitism cannot easily be refuted, as examples of relatively unattractive men in relationships with reasonably attractive women are fairly common.
The personalitists argue that the behavior of these men draws women to them, and not their looks. Similarly, they argue that physically attractive men attract women mostly due to their personality, and only minimally due to their looks, a claim lookists strongly dispute.
A subgroup of personalitists have noted with great unease some of the behaviors in men that women are attracted to. Indeed, women rated themselves as highly attracted to arrogance and aggressiveness, for example, in a recent study.
The general realization that women are attracted to less savory personality attributes has raised many questions about the traditional image in society of the female being noble and virtuous. Personalitists have aimed a fusillade of criticism toward women, claiming that women are shallow as they only pursue male behavior that love-shys cannot easily replicate.
Several tenets of personalitism are controversial, both within the school of thought and from its main opposing school, lookism. Feminist-friendly personalitists (FFPs) dispute the claims that women mainly pursue aggressive, arrogant personality traits, and counter that this only applies to a small subset of women. More extreme FFPs argue that feminist-opposed personalitists (FOPs) suffer a repulsive personality that must be repaired with therapy, a charge they extent to lookists. FOPs accuse FFPs of being naive, or bootlicking women in an attempt to curry favor with them.
The different factions within personalitist thought tend to be more united in their opposition to lookists. Lookists charge FOPs with being obsessed with a bad-boy persona that does not match many men in relationships, a view they ironically share with FFPs, despite the fact that most lookists are feminist-opposed. Lookists are also often anti-nice guy in general. Lookists also cite examples of reasonably good-looking men with very dull personalities who do not suffer problems with women.
Women do choose men based on personality when not using apps that encourage superficiality. Women also prefer men to be nice once in a relationship.
According to scientific study by Michigan State University’s Close Relationships Lab, dating apps fail for so man ymen because they don't focus on, "nice", qualities and focus almost exclusively on qualities unrelated to niceness. William J. Chopik and Richard E. Lucas from the study found that having a nice partner greatly increased relationship satisfaction in both genders.
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